Posted in Thoughts

Metanoia

Hello December, my old friend. I must admit you caught me off guard this time, and I’m not sure how to react. There’s no bittersweet reaction or profound relief, just mild surprise. Because I never thought this interminable year would finally come to an end. After the tumultuous first half and dreary second half, a final conclusion seems a bit too good to be true.

Because this past year, in retrospect, was drawn-out, dragging, and ultimately draining.

 

But it is a necessary evil.

 

Since last December, I fell in a love so exhilarating I got trapped in Delirium and crashed so hard I wound up in Despair.

I went all in a risky wager though I knew full well the pay-off doesn’t worth it.

I burned virulent bridges and mended steadfast support systems – handpicking both my adversaries and my counsels.

I rearranged my boundaries and reconciled my fragmented psyche – making liberating decisions and accepted the hefty consequences.

 

This past twelve months, I finally faced my demons and came out victorious. Battered, bloodied, and broken almost beyond repair – but I won nonetheless.

 

Admittedly, it’s a bit of a Pyrrhic victory. It cost me financially, physically, and mostly emotionally. After all those unparalleled highs and unprecedented anguishes, everything else felt jaded. It’s hard not to be detached when things barely roused my emotions.

 

 

Yes, it was a price worth paying. But not one I’d willingly go through again.

 

 

 

 

À la mort, 

A querencia would be an exception, though.

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Author:

An emotionally invested enthusiast of pop culture. Apathetic by design. Aesthetically offensive and eloquently candid. A sentimental heathen.

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