Posted in Headcanon

To Hell and Back

“I don’t understand what you see in him.”

Elsa frown, cocking her shotgun and landing another perfect shot even as she says, “Haven’t we talked about this?” 

Cullen rolls his eyes. “No, that was Tabby. And then Monica. Then Aaron. Then Captain. Also Valkyrie. Valeria was the last one. You haven’t had this talk with me.”

“Right, sure, okay.” She shrugs her shoulder, blasting the head off of her target. “What do you want to talk about, again?” 

“John. Bloody. Constantine. I don’t get why you’re so head over heels for that git.” Cullen frowns, “I mean sure, he have that bad boy charm you’re such a sucker for. And considering how often you two ruined this place and traumatised me, I suspect he’s a good shag too-” 

“Oh, good is an understatement, little brother. His silver tongue is not just for crafting lies but also–“

Cullen literally flies across the room just to place his hand over Elsa’s mouth and shout, “NO. NO. I DON’T NEED TO HEAR ABOUT IT. I’M SCARRED ENOUGH FOR LIFE.” Taking a few deep breath while his sister just impassively look at him, he finally calmed down enough to continue his monologue. “What I’m saying is… Maybe he did have good points, though it’s up for debate. But he…. Left.”

He’s carefully picking his words now, afraid the slightest mistake could trigger his sister’s breakdown. “Right? You could defend him and tell me he had no other choice, but fact is, he left. And you were such a god awful mess then. Still is.”

“But now…. Now he’s back like there’s nothing wrong and… And you’re willing to take him back. Just like that. No question asked. Even though he’s all but up and left again.”

“So I don’t understand,” Cullen confesses. “I don’t understand how you’re so adamant in choosing him like you have not the slightest doubt and… And… I just can’t wrap my head around it cause I don’t think he’s worth all this shit he’s putting you through, you know, sis?”

She sighs, after what feels like an eternity of silence, and exchange her shotgun for the glass of chardonnay she brought to kept her company that morning. 

“I have my doubt,” she confesses, taking a long deliberate sip. “Even now, as we talk, it eats me up from the inside. Not… Not just because he’s John Constantine, a con-artist extraordinaire, two timing bastard, good for nothing cowardly git with a knack of breaking my heart. But because he actually did something, this time around, that gnawed on my conscience and chipped my trust. Even as we speak now, I wonder if he’s taking yet another step of that necessary evil and whether or not he actually lost himself in it for real this time.”

“I have my doubt,” she concedes. “On him. On us. On my feelings. But I… Decided to not let it govern me or my actions.”

“But…why?” Cullen doesn’t get it, of course, and Elsa have to bite back a smile at her brother’s confusion. 

“Because it’s him,” she says matter of factly, with such conviction it almost took Cullen’s breathe away. “It’s him, and I choose him, for better or worse.”

She laughs, then, at her brother’s bewildered look. “You don’t get it, do you?” 

She sling her arms around his shoulder and steer him upstairs, a gesture that is not lost on Cullen because it’s what John used to do to him and it’s yet another proof of how much that git rubbed off on her, explaining. “Look around, little brother, and tell us what is it we’re still lacking in this life.”

“Nothing, right?” she asks after some time. “We have all the money we ever need to bathe in luxury all our lives – our Bloodstone enhanced lives. We have a job slash family legacy that we not only enjoy but is also so proud of. We’re financially and socially secure, with little room left for wanting.”

“Except when it comes to the matter of the heart.”

And this is the point where Elsa’s voice become wistful, reminding Cullen tbat in her arguably short life, she had seen and been through so much. Too much. “We’re happy, sure we always are, but it was – still is – the kind of happiness you could measure. Or buy. Be it with valuables or pleasanter. His kind of happiness, though…”

She chuckles, and this time Cullen finally pay attention to her smile and realises it’s a different kind. It’s not her cocky smile after she shot down a beastly monster, or her pleased grin when she expands her shotgun collection yet again. Neither is it the fond smile she reserved for her closest friends. 

It’s blissful, yet radiant, and he realises with a start it’s how she always look when she’s with John. 

“His is not based on material sense, so much so he got me entertaining the notion of living in poverty with him, y’know? It was a happiness that would last, so I don’t have to repeatedly tumble from one instant of happiness to another while having to deal with restricting mediocre moments in between. And he grounded me, until I no longer feel the need to constantly vibrate or excel or to be even better than I already am.”

“It may sounds harmful for others, but for someone with a history like mine….” she shakes her head, admitting, It’s a much needed relief.”


“And that’s why, brother mine, I choose John Constantine. Not just because I’m madly – stupidly – in love with him and I think he’s worth fighting for.”


And in that moment, Cullen finally understand why Elsa is willing to give her all for one John bloody Constantine. 


“Because for once, I am content.”





À la mort,

Prompt: Bee Gees’ To Love Somebody.
“You don’t know what it’s like, baby you don’t know what it’s like. To love somebody… To love somebody… The way I love you.”



An emotionally invested enthusiast of pop culture. Apathetic by design. Aesthetically offensive and eloquently candid. A sentimental heathen.

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