Because while everyone else got a song, a clothes, or a place assigned to them…
You induced a new habit.
And it’s been such a long time since a crush introduced me to a new habit. It has been years, even, since I took a liking to moviegoing and writing reviews after my then-crush introduced it to me. And even that is something I then reclaim as my own, for he abandoned it while I stick to it up until now.
Yet you, after such a fleeting moment, had succeeded in giving me incentive to started this new destructive habit of mine.
Indirectly, for it wasn’t even you who introduced me to it or helped me start.
You were the cause, though. My most prominent trigger.
I think maybe I like the way you look when you do it.
Maybe it drawed my attention to your fingers and lips and trapped me there.
Or maybe I was just too tired, too fucked up, and was in desperate need for distraction.
One that this habit provided.
Still, everytime I indulge this new habit of mine, I’ll remember you.
Remember what you did and how you made me feel.
Remember why I started,
And why I will most likely not stop.
The bitterness reminded me too much of you, and maybe that’s why I like it.
À la mort,
A willing victim.