I remember back then when I showed you this post, you said, “Where’s a post for me?”
Well Firenze, this one for you.
It’s your birthday again, to my literal surprise. Because I keep remembering your birthday as 17th December, I don’t know why. And as per usual, I’m not there to celebrate with you in person. Only this time it felt different because I could’ve been there. I could actually choose to come home yesterday and spend today with you, doing a cheesy surprise of showing up in front of your house with a cake that I bought somewhere. But instead I went straight to Depok and miss yet another birthday of yours. And to be honest with you, I feel really bad about that.
You are one of the best of friends that I could ever asked for. You may don’t feel like it and you may doesn’t believe it, but you were one of the reason why I keep coming back to Jogja. You know, I don’t always feel like I belong there even if I called the city my home, and there are times when I feel suffocated there because I had to adhere to different set of rules than the one I usually live by. Because people change, I change, my friends change, and at certain point the intersection of our lives become even smaller.
But you, Firenze, are the one constant point in the city that never change. You are the one thing that keep me grounded when I feel like running away again and you always make going home worth it. Because I know you will be there and I can always count on you to pull me up when I’m starting to drown in my own thoughts.
You know better than anyone else how scary it is to be trapped in our own thoughts, to overthink everything and ended up being too afraid to even take another step. We both had a high level of insecurity, and I’m secretly glad for that because it serves a guarantee that despite all the other uncertainties that surrounds my daily life, you will still be there to be my friend. Because I can’t afford to lost you, not when there aren’t any one else like you. I had new friends and you may think that I’m closer to them, but they can’t replace you. Not now, not ever.
So you know, Happy 21st Birthday. I hope adulthood had been very good to you more than it has been quite lenient on me. I know life sucks at some point of time, and I know that there is a certain someone that had caused quite a ruckus in your life. But don’t ever let them get you down and never ever let anyone affect your decision. Do the thing that you feel and think is right for you, make the decision that is best for you, and let everyone else go to hell with it.
Thanks for being a friend all this time, and thanks for accepting me the way I am. I know I can’t promise much, but know that I will always be here for you and I’d do my best to make your life better. You are one of the few people that I’d burn the world for, after all.
Because I love you, Firenze (platonically as a friend, of course. I don’t need another heartbreak :p)
À la mort,