I have been told that I am leading people on.
I refute, of course, and I insist that I never do such things. I was just being nice (yes, I do nice, sometimes) and friendly because I feel comfortable being around them. And it’s not my fault if they happen to take it the wrong way.
In hindsight, though, I think I might be leading them on.
Not on purpose, surely, I’m not that much of an asshole, but I may have some ulterior motive aside from just being friendly.
I didn’t do it because I’m vain and I like the notion of having admirer, that’s for sure.
I just like being someone else’s object of affection.
It does feels nice, knowing that you are doing something right and that someone is appreciating you for that. Someone appreciate the fact that you are alive and well. They appreciate your presence and they cherish their moments with you.
It’s nice being on the receiving end, for once.
And maybe I do have a knack for leading people on. I’m a cuddler and gender binaries doesn’t mean much to me, if I like being around you then I might hold your hand or lean on you and stuffs like that. I have my way with words and I have no qualms sweet talking you just because I feel like it. I can call you with endearing nickname for fun without feeling guilty. This also happen to make me extremely good at faking emotion and affection through written words. I can shower you with affections and appear to be solely focused on you when the truth is I’m juggling a few people at once.
Hell I am developing emotional attachment in a probably romantic way to five people at once and I see no problem with it.
And you know what? I say “I love you” and “I miss you” so often that sometimes the meaning doesn’t resonate inside me anymore.
And sometimes I wonder if I ever did, or ever will, genuinely fall in love with someone.
À la mort,
But then again what’s the use of love when all you need is just a constant companion?